these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
