this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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