ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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