He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Randomize
