I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
