THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Randomize
