In the future we'll all be gay
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
