I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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