It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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