Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
