Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
