oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
