he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
