So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
