TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
