Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
