it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
