...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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