i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
