to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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