I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
