Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Randomize
