after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
