mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
