I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
