That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
