3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
