Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
