Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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