You can't motorboat a personality
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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