My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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