i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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