Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
