I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
