I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
