She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
