I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Are we still banned from the library?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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