MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
