Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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