I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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