I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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