no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
