i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
