Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
