I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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