Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I smell like Dick and happiness
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
