if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
