I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
