Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
