That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
